he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
