By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
