I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize