Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
