im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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