Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
