she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
