Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Life is so much better after having sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
