Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
