The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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