Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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