I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
