yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
