My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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