I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize