Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
