That's intense
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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