She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
