Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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