My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
