Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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