I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
