I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize