By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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