Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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