laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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