He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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