just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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