no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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