can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
