we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
