Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I looked at my own cervix.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
