my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
