If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
