During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
