I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
one might say we're banned from that church
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
