Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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