if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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