my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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