I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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