the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
