I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
