i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How does one acquire holy water?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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