it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
where does the pee come out of this thing
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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