with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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