I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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