Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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