yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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