So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
