matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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