she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
