You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
