I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
