We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize