Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
