You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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