i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
