Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
