and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
