the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
