I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
