It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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