I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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