and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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