You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
