She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
