do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
