if only i could text you this smell
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
