Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
