I am in a vortex of obligation.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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