Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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