I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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