One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
