Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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